Daily Meditation for Wednesday, Sep 27, 2006
One who was there had been an invalid for thirty eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition a long time he asked him, "Do you want to get well?" (John 5:5-6)
Do you want to get well?! What a shocking question. Isn't the answer obvious? Why even ask? One of the most confusing parts of the recovery process is the fact that we have many layers of resistance to recovery. As we begin to see the changes which recovery will demand, we begin to see how attached we have become to our existing way of life. Sometimes we play games to hold on to the past. We have a good friend who prayed early in recovery that God would deliver her from alcoholism so that she could continue to drink!
We are all like this - we want healing but we fear the changes which healing will bring. Sometimes the fear of recovery comes from the fact that we can't imagine any way of being in the world other than what we have known. A life consumed with despair, rage and self-loathing may seem pretty awful, but its the only life we may have known. Any change may seem risky and uncertain. God is not ignorant of our resistance to healing. God asks the difficult question: "Do you want to get well?" It's not always as obvious as it seems. The 12-Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous addresses this issue when it talks about being "entirely ready" for God to change us. The process of becoming "entirely ready" is at the heart of the struggle of recovery. Our hearts and minds are being prepared to answer 'yes' to God's offer of wholeness.
My answer to your question, Lord, is yes. I am ambivalent at times. I am uncertain and afraid at times. But, I do want to get well. The answer is yes. Amen.
Copyright 1991 Dale and Juanita Ryan
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